....Forget 911....
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Wednesday, July 15, 2009
11:46AM
My head is still spinning. I can't make that stop, no matter how hard I try. You see, things should make sense right now. Things should be logical and linear, point A to point B, yet here we are, no linear response in sight.
You make things make more sense, but by no means do they make sense. I understand more of what's happening when you're around, but I still don't understand why things are happening.
I still miss my best friend every day. Not so much now because I don't see him, but because he is doing everything in his power to not be my best friend anymore. He has his new girlfriend - why would he need friends? And that's not just how I see it - that's how it is.
Remember who was always here for you when she finally realizes she is an ugly bitch that can walk all over you. Remember who didn't walk on you when given the opportunity. Remember who never turned away from you.
And then look at who you have.
I hope you regret that someday.
I'm still trying to find a new job. I hate this one. I work too much, don't make enough and never sleep.
I'm still trying to find out what's wrong with me. I've been sick for months, yet it appears as if I'm perfectly fine.
I'm still trying to find a balance between the parts of my life. I genuinely never expect that.
What would make me happy right now?
Having a best friend.
Sleeping and waking up refreshed.
Not having an evil bitchmonger manager.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
8:07PM
You know, some days I go back to thinking we’ll end up together. Some days, I remember waking up in your arms, in that warm little room we shared most nights. I remember our adventures and how much the pizza guys loved us because we were friendly. Our night that we made dinner. And the night we went across the street to get the makings for cookies - we never did accomplish that, did we? I remember walking around town, holding your hand, and how - for so fucking long - we were the couple to be envied.
“You guys are perfect for each other.” I heard it a million times. “Made for each other.” “You guys just fit.” I heard them all, and for the longest time, I clung to that and begged for it to be true. I needed it to be true. And for a long while, damn it, it was.
I didn’t figure out until last month that it wasn’t true anymore.
The people we used to be were interlocking parts. Content and whole only when together. We aren’t those people anymore. And I was the last one to figure it out. I think I clung to the idea of us for so long because so many people adore both of us and so many people wanted us to be together.
I don’t think I’ve wanted that for a long time.
This is the first time since I’ve known you that I can see you and not be dying to be in your arms.
You know, I’m happy right now. I walked into that pizza place the other day, the one we used to live in, and our friend asked me where you’d been. I smiled and said, “I don’t see him around here anymore. He’s got a new girl now.” He looked almost hurt.
“But you guys…I really thought you two would make it.”
I smiled sadly. “I wasn’t even actually his girlfriend when you knew us. I was good enough to be with him every day, but apparently not good enough to put a title on.”
“So he left you.”
“No, he just left. He left this town, he left what I considered home. And right now, yeah, I still get sad sometimes, but this town is still my home and I’m doing just as well off without him.”
“Good for you, sweetheart. You deserve to be happy. You got a new guy?”
I smiled again, just without the sadness this time. I’d just left a house across town to come pick up food for us.
“I absolutely do.”
People don’t say, “You two are perfect together.” They don’t say “You’re perfect together.” They just look at us and smile. We don’t cling to one another the way you and I did. There will be a cute little kiss or touch as we pass each other, a simple arm around the other, maybe a handhold for good measure.
I’m happy for the first time since you.
It’s a relief.
Monday, February 16, 2009
12:27PM
Blue eyes can be one of two things. Sweet And innocent, the type of person that you trust just because those wide eyes tell you you can. Or they can be intense...you literally feel those eyes on you And its a rush. Only a classically trained liar can do both- or see through either.
Baby, youve got both. And i dont believe either.
See, you And i are a lot alike. We can the best friend or worst enemy youve ever known.
But when you get two people like that together, its dangerous. We're dangerous, boy.
Monday, January 19, 2009
7:58PM
This is how i always know its time to remind you. When my heart finds its new home in my throat And my every thought is obsessive with realizing we never really end And what if somebody does finally take my place. What if you meet a girl And she is better than me, which is so easy to do. What if you find somebody to help you be done with me.
When i cant get these thoughts out of my head, i simply have to remind you, just as youve done to me before.
It hasnt changed. Nor will it.
Im in love with you.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
6:43PM
See, I do this strange thing called twisting your life into what I want it to be. I never mean to, but, boy, sometimes things are so easy they just have to be done. So I'll take you by your roots and see how long you can last in my soil. It's a but more bitter than you're used to, coarse and uncaring, but it's got that addicting quality to it. You know it isn't necessarily good for you...but it doesn't make you ever want to go home.
Welcome to my life, to my home, to my world. I'll have your stomach in knots and your heart around my little finger before I even realize you find me good looking. See, I've been hurt too many times to leave the innocent unscathed. That boy that did me wrong? Not that he matters now, but oh, you'll feel like he does.
Sweetheart, I tried to warn you. I'm not the sweet girl you crave. I'm not the innocent. I'm not even close to the nice girl you want to bring home to Mom. I'm the girl Mom has warned you about since conception. I'm the one that you'll wish never loved you, because the deeper I feel, the less you wish I did.
I torture myself to remind you how great I'm not. Sure, I can be pretty sometimes. I've got that swagger and those wide blue eyes and I dress well enough to convince everyone that I've got that figure. My hair is usually done well enough to prove cute. Get this straight - pretty girls are hiding something. The second those eyes lock on yours, you're finished.
Baby, you're not a lover. You're a trophy. I'm taking one back for all the girls that have been arm candy. I've got a collection of the best looking guys on the block. You can look all you want - I actually suggest you do. That way, you can remind yourself of what you'll never have.
For every boy that's ever made me cry myself to sleep, I scar someone else. For every morning I woke up alone, bruised and battered, buried deep in the sheets, I thank you.
Love is a drug. You never plan on getting addicted. Just a few tastes won't hurt. One taste is enough.Don't fall for me. I'll break your heart and I won't return the pieces.
Keep calling. I love being the reason you're losing sleep.
Nothing feels better than knowing you're still thinking of me. Maybe I'll think of you again someday.
Maybe I'll bother remembering who you are.
"Broken hearts aren't easily mended" unless you've got the right parts. Forget your drama. Forget me. Go find your easy fuck and get out of my day.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
10:45AM
Usually, the time in between Thanksgiving and Christmas is some of the worst times I have all year.
This year...it hasn't really been that way. But I also knew it wouldn't last.
Two days after Thanksgiving...SB6ventures with James Kelly and some friends I hadn't seen in literally over a year. Ended up being a great, great day.
My birthday WEEK was phenomenal. Got to see so many excellent people. Hung out with some kids I really never should have given up. It was amazing.
Everything has been adding up to an awesome Christmas, right?
No.
Today, we had to put our dog Jeremy to sleep. Yes, he was very old and pretty sick, but that doesn't make it any easier. I woke up this morning to go take my dog to the vet.
I was taking care of the other animals as I do every morning and I realize my guinea pigs are acting really weird. Espresso, my oldest guinea pig, had passed away during the night.
So in a span of two hours, I lost two amazing friends.
And I think the worst part of all of it had to be carrying Jeremy out to the car and the look my other dog Bobby gave me. He knew Jeremy wasn't coming back. He lived through that with me when we lost Folly. He just looked at me and he knew. I knelt down on the floor, he walked over, sniffed Jeremy a little, licked his head and laid down. He knew it was time, too, but it still hurts.
When I walked back into the house empty handed an hour later, Bobby knocked my obnoxious puppy out of the way (which he'll never do...she abuses him) and just stood in front of me. I knelt down and hugged him (which he normally doesn't like) and he sat down and let me hug him for a while, licking my arm the whole time.
Jeremy was the sweetest little dog. He was about 17. We had only had him about 3 years. We adopted him. He was so sweet. A little bit confused usually, but that didn't mean he wasn't great.
I'm going to miss him.
I do miss him.
There goes the holidays.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I dont see you every day. I dont talk to you everyday. I might not talk to you or see you every month even.
But im still thinking of you. And if you need me, im always here, just because you always have been for me.
You guys have been at my back for all the years ive been around. Some of you, ive known forever. Some ive known forever And just gotten to know. And some, i havent known that long, but youve got my loyalty.
Thank you, for everything youve done And everything you will do.
Youre an amazing crew.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
2:43AM
All I want is an escape.
All I want is to wake up next to you again.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
11:44PM
"A good relationship is like fireworks. loud, explosive and liable to maim you if you hold on for too long."
I'm not what everyone thinks I am. Just because I dress to get attention doesn't make me a slut. Just because I know everyone doesn't mean I have a million friends. Just because I play stupid doesn't mean I am. Just because most of my friends are in bands doesn't make me a groupie. Just because I prefer the company of guys doesn't mean I'm hooking up with all - or any - of them.
And just because I dated someone else doesn't mean I'm over you.
I've got a pretty level head on my shoulders. Sure, I have moments of mania, but then again, who doesn't? The only thing I can't think of clearly is whatever we are. Because we're technically nothing. We're friends. Of course. But technically, we haven't been any more than that since last year. Over a year ago. Yet, every time I'm near you, I still can't help but feel like that's not true. Every time I'm near you and I once again go from hyperventilating out of sheer panic to comfortable because I'm near you, I know it's not true. This summer, when we were talking and you looked at me and said, "And because I loved you...and why am I using past tense..?" (Did you really think I would ever forget those words?), I knew it wasn't true. That day I came to hang out with you at your house, and I fell asleep laying close to you, when I hadn't slept for more than fifteen minutes straight in a month.
Last night when we were standing next to each other, both of us casually moving to the music, your hand kept touching mine. That's not something you notice unless it sends shockwaves through your entire body. And I promise you, it was.
Every time you complain about how you've got ten more pounds to lose, I want to get mad at you. Because I don't think you need to lose anything. I think you look great now. I've always thought you looked great. I just wish you could see it.
And little things you do...it kills me. Like when you said, "I don't need people asking questions," when it came to us hanging out...why does it matter who asks what? When you delete comments I leave you. Why? It's obvious within fourteen seconds of meeting me how I feel about you. Everyone knows it. Why bother trying to hide that from your friends? Who cares about questions? People question me all the time and I usually say the same thing: "Honestly, I still have no idea why we broke up. Over a year later, I'm still clueless. And yeah, I dated somebody else, but it was in hopes of getting over him. As we can see, that worked just great. I'd have him back in a minute if he'd have me. After this long, I've kind of given up on finding anything other than a distraction from him."
So I guess I'm just curious. I'm curious why we talk on the phone at least 3 or 4 times a day, why you're always the last person I talk to before bed, why you're always the first person I text in the morning, why when anything is wrong or right, you're always my first call (as you said was true of me as well), why I'm not comfortable around anyone but you, why everything might not be right when you're around, but it's undeniably better....why, in spite of all of the obvious, I'm still sitting here, almost 3 1/2 years to the day from when we met, wondering why.
I know we're not perfect. I don't believe in happily ever after.
But I do believe in happy every time I pass that house on Guilden Street.
That was the first place I ever felt at home. It took a long time for me to figure out it wasn't the house.
And sadly, I just found a comic that makes....far too much sense.
Right down to the sarcasm at the situation.
Monday, November 17, 2008
10:53AM
last night was what i needed friday to be.
friday wasn't at all what i needed friday to be. although, one poin was really sweet. mike walked up to me out of nowhere and just said "I really think you look gorgeous tonight. just thought you should know." he's a sweetheart. i love that boy.
and apparently between ernston road and my house lost my cell phone. as in, it has to be somewhere in my mother's car. and she is at work. and i have work soon. meaning i don't have a phone. meaning fucking kill me.
also, broke my finger last night.
and adopted some very tall gentlemen from chicago.
good night.
Friday, November 14, 2008
2:25AM
I'm glad I'm not one of those girls that doesn't need someone to feel like I am someone.
I'm glad I don't have to cling to the arm of some guy to feel as if I have worth.
I'm glad I don't constantly need to be around a guy telling me he cares about me and that I'm beautiful.
I'm glad I'm not the girl that will go off with anybody who can pretend they care for a few hours.
I'm glad I have enough confidence to know how to be myself without some guy.
But that doesn't mean I don't miss you.
Tonight, The Ergs, Hunchback. Last time I'll ever see either band.
Decent night, my mind just kept racing.
I was in a basement in New Brunswick with a ton and a half of people I knew and a lot more I didn't.
And, for the most part, I was preferring the company of those I didn't know.
Just because, the ones I knew were making me think.
When it occured to two of us that we'd been friends for 3 1/2, almost 4 years and I realized that that meant I'd known someone else for that long...
When it occured to me that you're flat broke and supposedly looking to move out of your house....4 months ago, and maybe I really am back at square one.
When it occured to me that, even though we all make fun of you continuously for being a screw up....maybe you're the least screwed up out of all of us.
When it occured to me that maybe my crush was on the wrong one of your roommates. Yep. I said it.
When it occured to me that, because of you, New Brunswick will always be home. When I walked out of Krauszer's tonight and instinctively looked up at that window, seeing the shades drawn, but the light still on and I got choked up. Only then did it occur to me how badly I need to be back in that town. I knew I missed that house. I knew I missed you. But my god, seeing a light on in a bedroom window reduced me to tears. That's fucking awful.
It was a good night. Just a long night.
I'm glad I'll have the memory, but I'm glad tonight is over.
One of my favorite memories popped randomly into my head the other night. Laying in your room, using your arm as a pillow more than the actual pillow alloted to me. The TV was on, but we were both reading. I was actually reading A Tree Grows In Brooklyn. The fact that I remember that might be a little sick. I read one line, I don't remember the exact line right now, but it applied to the situation I was in. I highlighted the line, put the pen in the book as a mark, put the book on top of the nightstand and curled up against him. He turned slightly to accomodate me, finished the chapter in his book, put it down on top of mine, turned off the light and just held me against him. No words were exchanged at all.
Honestly, none needed to be.
That is why I miss that part of my life.
I miss it because it worked. There was no changing for the other, because there was no need to change. It just worked.
I miss him.
Don't ever miss someone that's sitting in the room with you, and here I am, missing someone whose voice I hear a million times a day.
Doesn't really seem fair, does it?
Remember when you said, "It'll get easier with time"? August 5, 2006. Over two years ago. Yeah, I'm still a sucker for dates.
Well, over two years later, it still hasn't gotten easier. Every day when I wake up, it's still you. Every night, before I go to sleep, it's still you. Every time I have good news, it's you. Every time I'm in tears, it's you.
It's been almost 3 1/2 years to the day.
When does it start getting easier?
I'm going to do myself a favor and go to bed before I completely destroy any chance of sleep.
"Tell me something that I know, just something that I understand. I need to taste the warming glow of your medicating hands. I know I'm ready for your love, I just don't understand it. There is a silent pact of trust that I never could admit. So now I'm telling you the reason I'm all messed up. Just have to look me in the eyes and I fall apart. Please let me hold you 'til I know we are both through this. I couldn't lead another day without you here in my arms. You look so fragile I could break, but I try to hold myself together for the both of us. But in truth I'm just as scared. I just wanna watch you sleep as you lie here beside me. So close your eyes, I'll guard the door and when you wake you'll wake with me.."
Thursday, October 23, 2008
11:23PM
I'm so confused right now.
After 3 1/2 years, I know it's never going to happen. I know this. Not by anything you've said, but by everything you haven't done. If you actually wanted to be with me, you would have been with me. You would have stayed with me, instead of making me wait for 2 years out of 3 1/2 that I've known you to have what I want. And all that I wanted was you.
And then, today.
Don't think you've got me confused because of something you did. Oh no. This isn't a new feeling. I've always been confused by you. I understand you better than 90% of people, yet I can't help but be confused when you tell me when you can't have me that you've still got feelings for me, and then when I'm available...nothing of it is said again.
I guess the confusing part is knowing part of me is always going to be in love with you. Part of me will always smile when I hear your voice, or talk about you, or hug you, or see you. And part of me knows I'm most likely never going to have you again. Part of me knows that if you wanted to have me, you know you could have months ago.
I know I'll always care for you, and I'll always love you, but how fair is it to keep making myself wait for you?
I've done nothing but distract myself from you for the last year.
I don't like some of the things I've done in the last year, honestly. I've gotten nastier. I've gotten bitter. I've lost trust in everyone.
Hell, I dated someone I barely liked as a person, just because he was nothing like you. I'm tired of doing that to myself. And I've been trying to convince myself I'm not doing it, but I am.
And then, things get interesting. I told you I made a new friend. Ryan. He is unmatchedly one of the most genuine people I've ever met. That is a much-desired quality for me after the last guy I was interested in. He's sweet. we have conversations that are always even. No one dominates the conversation. He's a pretty great guy. And he has a major thing for me. It's hard for me to trust him, just because I trusted Mike and look where that landed me. But he's giving me every reason to trust him.
He's got potential for me to care about him. A lot.
I'm just scared that once again when I think I have something solid (I didn't last time, I know that) that I'm going to once again remember I'll never be over you. And I don't know what to do about that. I really don't know what to do.
I was hoping today would give me some answer on what to do. All it did was make it harder to figure out. I fell asleep easily with your arms around me. I never fall asleep easily anymore.
And all I want is to know what you're thinking for once. Because I never actually know.
I want to know if you turn to me the way you do because it's me or if it's because you don't have anyone else to turn to like that.
I want to know that when your hand accidentally spends a little too long touching mine, it's because you wish you were still holding it, and not because you just want affection from someone.
I want you to not care about questions from anyone, because questions and fights mean nothing if the person means everything to you ( I moved out of my parent's house because I wanted to be with you more than I wanted to hear how much my mother hated you. Did that ever occur to you?).
I want to know you turn to me out of something other than familiarity.
I want to know anything, really.
I don't know what I'm trying to say right now.
All I am saying is that I'm not over you, but at the same time, I've got a thing for someone else, and I don't know who that's fair to, especially not either of us, or him.
And I don't know what to do.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
1:17AM
I've finally figured it out.
My love life is a carousel.
Full of intricate, gorgeously decorated creatures, none of whom are anything like the last.
The only thing they have in common is that they never actually leave.
Sure, one is always going to get more attention than the others, but the others are always still there, always still noticeable, never actually forgotten. And occasionally, one will come full circle and be in the spot light once more.
But they have no way of actually disappearing from the circle. They are ever-present.
I don't know if that's comforting, or depressing.
I made a new friend last night. Ryan.
Completely blew my mind with his attention to detail, ability to function as an adult (he's my age), and pure disgust at the behavior of the people around our age.
He's a conversationalist.
It's nearly a lost art.
I'm intrigued by him.
One of my closest friends, Doug, celebrated a milestone today, in turning 21 years old.
It was kind of nice, just chilling out at Davis' house, watching Robot Chicken as he turned 21, then walking downstairs with him and Eric as Doug drank his first legal beer and Eric drank his millionth lol.
It was the first time I've ever actually gotten to talk to Eric. He's a sweet guy, he really is. I feel this strange need to take care of him. I don't know why.
But Doug...oh, Doug. Twenty one years of age.
After this week, the world will never again be the same.
By the way, had I wanted to, I could have had a drink tonight. I, apparently, do not get carded.
Now, I go to sleep, for I have work in less than 8 hours.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
3:46AM
you know, it kills me sometimes.
i sit in a room and listen to the people around me and i can't bring myself to actually hear what they're saying. letters form syllables form words for sentences and none of it means anything.
then, other days, one word can save your life.
is there no such thing as consistency?
....says the girl that can't sleep without that red hoodie at least nearby, if not wrapped comfortingly around her. with the pillows, the comforter (what a fitting word), the teddy bear, the necklace...
i guess you could call that consistency.
i'm very tired tonight.
not sleepy. not exhausted.
i'm just very tired.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
4:07AM
so yo.
i drank 3 rock star energy drinks in like 2 hours tonight.
i still can't sit still.
it's terrifying.
i'm vibrating.
but at least i was - quite literally - climbing the walls.
that's me and gregresch. chillin' on the ceiling.
yep.
i need sleep.
i need a dose of my other half (you don't know how much i miss you).
i need to be held.
for now, i guess i'll try sleep.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
He is the exact opposite of the kind of guy I would normally go for, yet I cared - and still do, yet in a different sense - about him very much.
And I just figured out why. The answer was right in front of me the whole time. I just didn't see it, because I didn't want to admit it was the truth.
The reason everything seemed so great with him was because he is everything you're not. He is the perfect distraction from the one person I can't get out of my head, because he is the exact opposite of everything I want. How can I think of you when I'm with your polar opposite?
I guess the only bad side in that is that you're what's good for me.
I mean...down to looks, you two are polar opposites. He is tall and skinny. You're tall, but you actually have a build. His hair is always perfect or it's under a hat. Your hair is curly and a little messy all the time and I love that. You've got these wide, honest eyes, while he has brown eyes, sure...but I never trusted him when I made eye contact with him. He always has to match and make sure everything looks good, where comfort matters more to you, yet you always look good.
And personality? Forget it.
You two would hate each other.
Utterly hate each other.
I consider both of you my close friends. But he is one end of my personality's spectrum where you're the other.
He is the life of the party, the center of attention, the flirt, the one that if he can help it isn't going home alone. Physical relationships mean nothing to him. Actually, very little means anything to him. I like to think I meant something to him, but I severely doubt that.
You...people notice you, whether you realize it or not. People always notice you, but it's not because you're in their face, begging for attention. You're quieter. You're not a complete drunk like he is. I don't want to use the word shy or reserved, but next to him...you are.
People have respect for you.
Him? They don't have to, as long as they're happy he is there.
I don't know how it took this long for this to hit me.
I should have realized it right away.
The only reason we worked was because I was doing everything I could to get over you, because you went and moved back home. I knew I was going to lose you eventually, so I was doing everything I could to get over you before you left me behind. So I went for someone that would make me not think of you.
I thought it was going to work. Then I'd see you and once again, nobody but you existed.
I believe people can be hurt a hundred thousand times over. But I think they can only have their heart broken once.
Because I'm really starting to believe there is only one person out there that you'll never forget.
Friday, October 3, 2008
7:31PM
They found a body in the lake at Kennedy Park.
What the FUCK.
Monday, September 29, 2008
12:49PM
I've been strangely articulate and poetic the last few days, sans the few hours last night where I just started giggling and I still can't tell you why.
Tim Barry of Avail is playing at the lanes next month.
I can't tell you how many different kinds of there I am.
That band has done excellent things for me since around May.
All thanks to a sweatshirt, reminding me of their excellence.
Sad ways that my life works sometimes, but I'll accept it.
I'm reading a lot lately again.
Not the normal kind of stuff I read though.
Fluffy, light stuff.
It's pure escapism.
I guess I need that sometimes.
I was at the last game at Shea Stadium yesterday.
I broke down in tears during the closing ceremonies.
Fifteen years of my life are over...just because they wanted something newer and prettier.
And I'm sure I'll love Citi once we have it...but for now, let me mope.
I miss having someone refers to as my other half.
I don't miss having another half. Cause I still do.
And I miss him.
I just miss having somebody to cuddle with and call mine..even if I'm not theirs.
I have to go to work now.
Great fun.
Hopefully I survive today.
Friday, September 26, 2008
2:01PM
"I don't expect another chance from you and I don't deserve it, but please...just hang out with me and realize I am actually ready to change. Not saying I'm there yet, but I'm actually trying. Don't necessarily give me another chance, but let me have the opportunity to gain your respect back, cause that means a lot to me."
....Really?
I want to believe you so badly, but I don't know if I can.
Life is too short to waste time on people who are just going to hurt me in the end. And you're a great friend, but I don't know if you and I will ever be able to be just friends, just because I don't think we know how to function like that.
I don't think you know how to function like that.
I don't know if I can trust you.
I don't know if I want to risk trying again.
I don't know.
Monday, September 15, 2008
5:28PM
If I died tomorrow, I'd be happy.
Not because I'm depressed. Not because I have any desire to die.
Just because I know I've actually lived a significant life already.
I'm twenty years old, and I have "wasted" enough gas, put enough miles on my car, kidnapped enough people, taken over enough states, watched enough bad movies, "watched" enough good movies, had enough sporadic homes to live in that weren't mine, eaten enough terrible food in doses that should have killed me, taken enough pictures with rock stars, been a rock star enough times, lied to enough people so that it seems honest and loved enough people completely to feel content.
I've lived. A lot in twenty years, honestly.
How many people can say they've been on tour twice, both self-motivated?
How many people can say they've dated people that became disgustingly famous and have lyrics written about them that nobody should be happy about?
How many people can say they've loved someone with all of their heart, had their heart broken, mended and broken again, only to be mended again by friendship?
How many people can say they can look across the room at any given time and know exactly what another person is thinking because of one exchanged smile?
How many people can say they've never actually been shot down by a guy?
How many people can say they're a terrible human being and they couldn't be loved more for it?
How many people can say they've read the entire works of J.D. Salinger, Jack Kerouac, Neal Cassady and William S. Burroughs...and understood them?
I'm...happy.
Good for me.
I fucking deserve.
PS i look real cute tonight and that's just dangerous :)
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forget_the_fire's journal